For My Readers

I've mentioned this in the author's notes section of BWYDT, but I feel it needs more explaining. I know I have shared with you a few screen caps that have shown the number of you there are and how much feedback I have received with that particular story. But I would like to share something a little bit more personal now.

Since I was a little kid, I have struggled with feeling inadequate. I know must people have at some point in their lives, I always have. I've tried to figure out how best to describe this to you all and my sister summed it up rather nicely for me, so I will borrow her words. Growing up, my parents expected us to do well at everything and were disappointed if we didn't live up to their expectations, wanting to know why we weren't able to. While we were always encouraged to try something new or different, our efforts were never appreciated or praised because the results were expected. Why praise something we should have been doing in the first place? They very much lived by the mentality of never saying 'you did great' but rather saying 'that was okay,  but this is what you need to do to be better'.

That left a void and a feeling that no matter how much I tried, it would never be enough or at least never what they wanted. I could never reach that level of perfection that would win their praises. It's not that they were trying to be hurtful. They were simply wanting us to keep pushing so we never settled for less of anything. I understand this, but it still hurt and has left very deep wounds that have affected me in many aspects of my life, past and present.

The reason I'm sharing this is because of all of you. Your messages, letters, reviews... all of them have filled this void. For the first time in my twenty-four years, I felt like I had done something worth while and that was appreciated. When I first started writing, it was just to write. But with BWYDT, when I added the tattoos and poetry, it became so much more for me and for most of you. I made a connection with several of you that I was never expecting and am left without words to describe how thankful I am for. To those of you who have sent me letters telling me how much that story has impacted your life, you have done the same for me. You have given me the confidence to try something and actually believe that what I'm writing is something special. That I've managed to do something well enough that you can take something away from it. Like I've finally succeeded at something. So I thank you. Thank you for giving me something that I never thought I would find.

To remind myself of this fact, that if I try, I can do something worth while, I got this.

I just got it today and it's still healing, but it's not meant how it is explained in the story. Not entirely at least. But this phrase is what everyone latched onto. This was the first real piece of me that I put into the story that I had been hesitant to share because I didn't think it would be understood. You all proved me wrong and I am so happy you did.

Not only that, but after realizing how much of an impact that story has had and how much of a positive response I have received from it, my parents are actually proud of my attempts. I know that might not sound like much, but it's a lot to me. Thank you again for giving me something I never thought I would find.