Introductions Round 3

So, I have introduced my mother and her unique way of thinking. And I have introduced my father and his extreme lack of sympathy. I figure it would only be appropriate to introduce myself and one of my defining personality traits. Now depending on who you ask, you will get very different answers to the question of what is my biggest defining personality trait. If you ask family, you'll get one answer. If you ask friends or co-workers, you'll get very different answers. But for this introduction, I'm going to go with what my family would say.

I'm a smart ass. From the day I was born, I have been a smart ass. Quick witted and sharp tongued smart ass. I can honestly say it comes easily to me and tends to come in handy turning tension filled moments I have experienced in my life. It's also a great way to get the attention (which I have previously stated I am not a fan of) off of me and on to someone else or when wanting to get something my way. For example:

When I was in daycare, maybe the age of five, I have one very distinct memory. My grandmother would pick me up around lunch time and keep me until my mother got off of work. I remember always walking into my grandparents house and going right to the table to eat my lunch. It was a fruit juice, a sandwich, pretzel sticks, and some sort of sugary treat for after. Usually this is an uneventful experience. I was a good child who did what I was told and when I was told to do it. Except once. One day I decided that I didn't want to eat my sandwich and went straight for the sugary treat. (But what kid wouldn't?) My grand mother stopped me and this conversation took place:

Grandma: Save that for later. That's junk.

Me: Why?

Grandma: Because you need to eat your sandwich first. That's the best part of your lunch. You need to eat it first.

Me: But why? You save the best for last so I really should eat the junk first.

Grandma, your argument is invalid. My grandmother never tried to battle with my logic again. Even nineteen years later she just gives up before it even starts.

Another example deals with my grandfather on my dad's side of the family who was very much a joker. He was always there with a quick remark that left someone embarrassed or everyone laughing. One of my proudest smart ass moments is the following:

I was getting to that age that I, as a little girl, dreaded. That time when you have to get your first bra. I was standing in the kitchen surrounded by my mother, my father, and my grandparents who were all discussing the topic. It was embarrassing enough right there. But I argued that I didn't need one yet because all the other girls in my class who wore them were getting teased by the boys and I didn't want that to happen to me. My grandfather wasn't having any of it.

Grandpa: You need one.

Me: No I don't.

Grandpa: (holding out his index finger flat) If you can put your finger there and something hangs over it, then you need one.

Me: (walks up to Grandpa and puts index finger under his man boob) Then I guess you need one too.

No one had ever seen that man speechless before that moment.